To Glimmer – ‘to shine without strength or not continuously’
I met a colleague of mine recently over the photocopier – incidentally the machine had broken and we were both involved in trying to sort the issue. We got talking (remarkably for us English, about topics other than the British weather).
His Grandmother had just passed away. She was elderly, but it was not expected. He was hurting. I had no idea. But then, why would I? He was glimmering. He was carrying on despite his hurt, shining without strength, because that is what the world expected of him. Nothing in the world was going to stop, just because his Grandmother had passed away.
We chatted on. I disclosed that my father was in rehabilitation for a double leg amputation after suffering diabetes since childhood, amongst having other issues such as a heart condition and kidney failure. I explained that I was scared, worrying each moment as to whether or not the situation was going to worsen or get better.
He told me he had no idea I was dealing with that worry, because I too, had continued to glimmer. I made no mention of it. I got up each day despite lack of sleep from worry, put on my best face and carried on with a smile. Nobody needs to be bothered by my issues when we have so much work to do. My worry was nothing compared to my father’s suffering, what did I have to be in the darkness about?
This ignorance of each others personal anxieties and troubles worried me greatly, given that we worked in such close proximity and relied on each other professionally. Were we actually denying ourselves support by continuing to try and glimmer our way through our personal concerns? If nobody knows, how can anybody help or offer comfort and love?
To glimmer is to be in limbo. When we shine brightly, the world knows we are okay. When we disappear into our darkness, the world knows to offer support, help and to assist us in getting back into the light. When we glimmer, the world doesn’t know what to do.
Stop hiding your emotions. We live in such a fast-paced world now, that is it an inconvenience to be sick; it isn’t okay to keep people waiting because you’re having a moment, nor to cancel plans because you just want to be by yourself. We are constantly trying to glimmer our way through work, family life, social media and so on, in order to portray an acceptable and normal version of ourselves for others and this is so wrong. In doing so, we are denying ourselves the opportunity to heal.